If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
