That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
