meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
