if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
its not stalking. its research.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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