i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
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