like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
My day in three words: secret purse cake
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
