i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
