OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
