Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
