I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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