So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
