Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
