I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
