I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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