if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
