if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
only if we run a train.
done.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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