Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
