I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
