dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
