all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
