is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
