I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
