Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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