There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
