He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
