we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
