Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
