we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Alive.
So much puke
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
