one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
