i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
