his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
