Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
