Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
