Well douche your snatch and let's go!
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
