its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
