remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
