I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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