What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
