I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
