All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
