so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
