i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
