You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
