I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
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