So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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