Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
