I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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