worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
