I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
