I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
