____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
