Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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