I hate your face
ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
